Lesbian Husbandry

Why does the word “husband” equal male? I take exception to this.  My husband is a woman.  She fills the traditional role of the husband in our family.  She is the bread-winner, the handyman, the protector, and the controller of the remote. She does not want to be a man, but she does feel most comfortable doing what are traditionally male things.

I am the home-maker, the dog-mom, the doer of the laundry.  No one seems to have a problem when I am referred to as her wife, but when I refer to her as my husband, I am corrected.  People actually say to me “You mean your wife.” Not even as a question, like “You mean your wife?”  No, they are positive that I have gotten it wrong and that it is their duty to correct me.  Sometimes when this happens I refer to her as my “husbian”.  Then they chuckle, “ha ha, isn’t that cute?”,  and the awkwardness is smoothed over.  For them, at least.  I am left feeling like I have dishonored her a little bit.

I submit that  “husband” is a title that is awarded based on job performance and not gender.  It has nothing to do with gender, and everything to do with the role they fill. To deny someone of the honor of being called a husband just because they are female is to lessen the importance of the work they do, the life they live, and their position in the family.

 Legally, she is my spouse. But I shall refer to her as my husband from now on, as a way to honor the great job she does filling that role.  And if that confuses you, sorry.  Just don’t correct me or I’ll pull out my soap box.


22 thoughts on “Lesbian Husbandry

  1. I followed you, too! I might be writing my own blog about something like this. You’ve inspired me! 😉

  2. Nice piece, never really thought about that but it does make a lot of sense. I don’t think I or Rz fit that as we both do all of what Cat does. I like it though and will think on it more.

  3. Great article! Femme Fairy Godmother sent me over via her blog recommendation! Great topic. As a fellow Butch I am with your husband, I hate the word “wife” for myself, or anything feminizing for that matter. I don’t know why my Butch brain just recoils at the thought of being called by female words sometimes…perhaps it’s just so used to being seen as Butch or more MOC. I like the Husbian word, that’s okay. Rock on and write more! 🙂 ~MainelyButch

    1. Thanks! Femme Fairy Godmother rocks! My husband feels as you do – feminine words just don’t fit. I do sometimes use wife in straight company, but more to be visible as a lesbian myself.

  4. I can relate to this post and appreciate it. My mate is intersexed and is a blended being. (He was born this way, it’s a birth anomaly.) Although he presents as male, he’s legally female. I refer to him as my husband, however, because of the reasons that you cited. It also would be weird to say wife, since he’s 6’4″ and large. Thanks to Angie, too, for linking to your blog.

    1. I’m grateful you took the time to read & comment. I do say wife sometimes (I did at the bank the other day), but usually as a way to come out myself. It feels weird though, as you said. There is nothing feminine about her, although she identifies as female. Thanks for reading and for the comment!

  5. great post! I just had to start following your blog , just call each other what ever makes you both comfortable and happy and to hell with what others think 🙂

  6. I noticed that you didn’t acknowledge my comment, the way that you did others’. It’s common courtesy, when someone takes time to comment, to at least thank them for contributing.

    1. My sincere apologies, RJS! No slight was intended, I am just not good at keeping up with moderating. I hope I have rectified the situation by replying to your comment above, and I further hope you will continue to read and comment. Thank you for calling me on my oversight.

      1. Kate, I appreciate your comment, thanks. I’ve become sorta sensitive, because I take time in leaving comments. I’ve had so many ignored lately, that I’m starting to feel like Casper the Ghost. You’ve redeemed my faith, however, and I look forward to reading (and responding) to your intelligent posts.

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