Tag Archives: traditional role of the husband

Lesbian Husbandry

Why does the word “husband” equal male? I take exception to this.  My husband is a woman.  She fills the traditional role of the husband in our family.  She is the bread-winner, the handyman, the protector, and the controller of the remote. She does not want to be a man, but she does feel most comfortable doing what are traditionally male things.

I am the home-maker, the dog-mom, the doer of the laundry.  No one seems to have a problem when I am referred to as her wife, but when I refer to her as my husband, I am corrected.  People actually say to me “You mean your wife.” Not even as a question, like “You mean your wife?”  No, they are positive that I have gotten it wrong and that it is their duty to correct me.  Sometimes when this happens I refer to her as my “husbian”.  Then they chuckle, “ha ha, isn’t that cute?”,  and the awkwardness is smoothed over.  For them, at least.  I am left feeling like I have dishonored her a little bit.

I submit that  “husband” is a title that is awarded based on job performance and not gender.  It has nothing to do with gender, and everything to do with the role they fill. To deny someone of the honor of being called a husband just because they are female is to lessen the importance of the work they do, the life they live, and their position in the family.

 Legally, she is my spouse. But I shall refer to her as my husband from now on, as a way to honor the great job she does filling that role.  And if that confuses you, sorry.  Just don’t correct me or I’ll pull out my soap box.